Millions of years ago, giant lizards ruled the Earth. Many of them were seriously, ridiculously awesome. The rest were pretty lame, but they all had interesting skills, or at least looked bad ass. They were basically like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, but way smarter.
Anyway, over time, the lizards became pretty intelligent and learned how to build things like cars, skyscrapers, malls, and holy temples. But even though they had all this cool stuff they kept fighting with each other and acting like total dicks. They were all, “Blah, blah, my god is better than your god,” and “Wah, wah, it’s all Obamasaurus’ fault.” On top of that, most of them sat around playing video games or watching “Real Sauropod Wives of the Cretaceous Era” instead of making the world a better place.
Eventually, the Almighty Creator of Lizardness was like, “Um, hello? You guys have all this dope technology and information and yet you continue to act like total rejects. I’m so bored... I think I’ll start over and make humans. Yeah, they’ll get it right!” So then he smote the giant lizards with a comet or something and they choked on dust, died, and got buried for all eternity.
The End
Except for the epilogue, which is this: Millions of years later, people were also pretty lame, so the Almighty Creator of Lizardness/Peoplehood talked to this group of fundamentalist whack jobs and announced that he would be ending the world again. In an effort to save everyone, or perhaps in a huge scam to get money, the whack jobs started telling everyone the End of Times was approaching. It’s happening tomorrow, FYI.
TO BE CONTINUED...?
I love you.
ReplyDelete